Left Unsaid
by kidneythieves
Summary: Ben is frustrated with his mentor & friend, John. He wants answers but more than that, he wants John. Slash, sexually graphic.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is set pre-season 2. I've always wanted to write a Southland slash story just because their dynamic is so thick with tension & possibilities. (and so many things left unsaid between them...) My smutty mind worked overtime to think of a good story. I've been working on this one for a while, here & there. Finally I decided to _do_ something with it. Please enjoy & please, _please_ comment! **

**Chapter 1: Communication**

They had been arguing all day. John was uncomfortable from the pain in his back and Ben was irritated that he refused to actually get treated for it. Damnit, Ben thought tossing his black duffle over his shoulder. Another day, wasted by either disagreeing over the smallest little things, or full out yelling at one another. Today had not been one of Ben's better days. He was rattled after not having John back him up when he tried to stop a moving vehicle. It just happened to be an elderly man, without his hearing aid that didn't stop when Ben flashed his police lights and rang the siren. So it was Ben's duty to stop the vehicle. Except, John stayed in the car. His back pain making him immobile. Absolutely useless.

Frustrated, Ben had yelled at John for assistance. He glared at him in return through those black tinted sunglasses. The vehicle he had stopped kept rolling away from Ben making it almost impossible for him to control the situation without John's help. It wasn't until Ben almost completely lost it, that John finally got out of the patrol car, slammed his baton into the side of the elderly man's window, shattering, making the car come to a complete stop.

"That's how you stop a car!" John shouted at Ben over the hood before storming back to this patrol car and sliding into the passenger side. Pain riddling his stoic features.

They spent the rest of the afternoon at the hospital with the elderly man and filling out paperwork the remaining half. At the hospital though, Ben felt guilty for taking his anger out on John. John couldn't stop the pain and it affected his personality badly. It made him non-responsive and bitter. So Ben tried talking to him, reason with him, instead John blew him off, again.

Now, Ben strode off to his motorcycle in the police lot. Night had fallen fast on the city. All he could think about was the drive home with the cool air whipping across his body and the hum of the bike between his legs. Anything to get his mind off of John.

He needed time away and to unwind before his next shift. John's behavior was becoming erratic and unpredictable with his back pain. Ben didn't know how to handle the situation anymore with his commanding officer. John called the shots, Ben was still the rookie. He wouldn't snitch on his command. No, he thought, he couldn't snitch. Snitching at this stage in his training would look bad on all accounts. He wouldn't be one of those police officers who got that reputation before he ever officially left the passenger seat.

As Ben walked out into the cool night air, the parking lot was empty of people, loaded with cars. Including an all too familiar black mustang parked besides his bike. Ben's steps stilled as his eyes locked onto the very man who tormented him all day and probably all night- only to wake up in the morning and do it all over again.

John leaned against the passenger side of his black mustang. He seemed more relaxed, maybe he had just taken something to ease his pain, Ben thought. He walked to his bike, not wanting to start a conversation that would just end up in another damn argument.

And he respected and liked John too much to let that happen for the millionth time today.

"Hey, kid." John said causally, yet his tone was aggressive. "You can't even look at me?"

Ben breathed out a sigh and turned to face John. He seemed like his old self tonight. Commanding, sharp, in control and most of all arrogant. Ben often thought of John like this. How John always dominated the situation, the conversation or the person. Ben had always admired that about him. Now, Ben felt the dominance radiate off him. His confidence high and his spirits better.

"What, John?" Ben asked bitterly, ignoring his instinct to hop on his bike and just take off. He would have given anything to just forget the crazy, mixed emotions he had in regards towards his partner.

John hesitated, sensing his bad mood. After riding together in a car all day for several weeks now, anyone could learn and read the person's mood besides them. "I wanna apologize for today."

"Right," Ben nodded tightly, "Whatever- it's over." He brushed it off as he began walking towards his bike. Unable to look at the John he knew and had to begun to care for so many weeks ago. It hurt him too much to see him in pain and not do anything. Now, he just wanted to forget today and prepare for tomorrow.

"I don't think so hot-shot." John grumbled, yanked Ben back to the side of his mustang and pinned him against the car and himself. John was much stronger physically then Ben, even slightly taller, giving him the dominate stance over him. Except Ben didn't let that deter him as he glared up with hard eyes at him. And John had a bad back. Ben didn't.

"What the fuck, John?" Ben demanded angrily, feeling an unusual stirring in the pit of his stomach. John smelled like fresh soap and pure male. It reminded him of the patrol car. He kind of liked the smell. Now he was close enough to lick it from John's skin.

"I wanna talk to you," John said, aggravated. "What you got some pussy at home, waitin' for you?"

"No, I don't." Ben shot back irritably.

John's face seemed relieved by that. Another weird sensation crept up the back of Ben's neck, making him shiver. He hadn't felt like this since high school when he asked his crush out. Now, staring at John, whose bright blue eyes bore into his now, made him wonder…

"All right- the least you can do is let me talk to you. Don't be such an ass." John released his hold and stepped back. Ben quickly shifted away, straightening his leather jacket and trying to shake away the weird flutter in his stomach.

"You're the ass," Ben muttered, refusing to let John off the hook so easily after the shit he pulled today on him. "You should've had my back out there, John. But you didn't."

"Aw- c'mon, some little old guy is hardly worth gettin' you're panties in a wad, Ben."

"That's not it," he spat back. The tension he had been holding onto all day suddenly came spilling out onto the pavement. "It shouldn't matter if it's an old guy or some crack head, John! You're my partner, damnit. I need to know that when I'm out there- I can count on you. Just like you need me. So don't tell me some bullshit that I could've handled that situation on my own. I needed you- and you weren't there."

John's hard face had been passive yet as he leaned heavily against the side of his car, he seemed deflated. He took a deep breath before finally meeting Ben's gaze, "I'm sorry. You're right. I should've been there. It won't happen again."

"Can you guarantee that, John?" Ben gestured with a nod towards John's stiff posture against the car.

John instantly straightened and stood tall, yet said nothing. Ben just nodded, knowing that trying to get this topic to settle between them would be like pulling teeth. He had to just let it go. For now.

Ben casually moved towards his bike a second time, pulling the straps of his helmet loose from the twist on the handle. He glanced over his shoulder to his allusive and unemotional partner. "Good night, John."

John nodded once and turned away, car keys in hand. Though much hadn't been resolved, Ben still felt better ending the night on a good note.

"Hey rookie," John said as Ben pulled out his own keys.

He turned to acknowledge him as he said, "sometimes the best way to communicate in our line of work is by smashing a window or two."

Ben raised a weary eyebrow.

"See yeah tomorrow, rookie…"

John was exhausted. He felt like shit and looked worse. He bent his mouth underneath the sink facet and drank down his painkillers. Thank God the shift was over, he thought swallowing his drugs. He could go home, lay down and sleep like a baby. Luckily he had tomorrow off so that he could zone out the rest of the day and just relax and rest. He wouldn't have to worry about how he might appear to Ben or the rest of the team. Though he was barely holding it together. He knew it and most of all, Ben knew it. He saw it yesterday. Except the kid didn't turn his ass in yet, which surprised John considering how this rookie seemed to play it by the book on everything else. So why didn't he just throw John's ass to the wolves? He'd be better off for sure.

He would have a training officer that didn't give him as much hell and shit as he did. He would have someone he could rely on. Someone who had his back at all times. Unlike John who could barely stand for more than an hour let alone chase or tackle a perp. He was dead weight to the kid. Still, Ben had kept his mouth shut. There had to be a reason, John though splashing water over his face.

Suddenly he heard the shower switch off in the distance. He glanced up from his hand towel to see Ben walk out from the steam of the shower, drenched from the hot shower. His skin glowed. His handsome features always made John envious and unfortunately attracted. When he first met Ben he thought he was just another pretty boy who wanted to impress daddy by becoming a cop. And he was and did. Except Ben also had serious money, with no real motive to join the police force other than to prove himself worthy of being a man. Sure he had daddy issues, but who didn't? This kid bore it and lived with it. And was turning out to be a damn good cop too. John respected that from his rookie.

Now seeing this young buck come strutting out of the shower as if he ruled the world with his finely carved abs, roped muscles and firm ass, made John's cock stir restlessly. Fuck, he thought burying his face in his towel, desperately trying not to stare. He would be more than happy to bury something else then his face into that ridiculous sexy younger man. He could've gone his whole life without seeing Ben so gloriously naked, he thought bitterly.

But damnit, he saw it. Now he couldn't get it out of his head. Why did he have to be such a pervy gay? He chastised himself bitterly, gripping the towel in his hand and shoving it into his duffle bag. Sometimes John still wished he denied that part of his sexuality. That he was still married and utterly hetero. Even if he faked being happy with it.

Alas, he didn't. He was undeniably, 100% gay as fuck. And damn, would he have given anything to see Ben, ass in air and ready to be senselessly fucked.

He hummed at the idea. Oh how he would do it, he thought, imaging every detail. Ben submitting to him. Ben gripping the edge of the bed. Ben on his hands and knees. Ben naked and cock as hard as a rock. Ben biting his lip in passionate need to be taken…

John felt his cock stiffen in his jeans. Damnit-shit-fuck-piss, he clenched his teeth, biting back his urge to walk into an empty stall and just relieve his current distress before leaving. But he wouldn't. No matter how tempting it may be. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him. He glanced up in the mirror and saw Ben walking up from behind him, wearing only his towel which draped loosely around his waist.

"Hey," Ben nodded towards John. John didn't bother to turn or acknowledge his incredibly attractive, horrible sexy partner. Ben seemed unperturbed by this, "You got any body spray?"

John finally managed to pull his limited self control to raise an eyebrow at the rookie from the mirror. "What? Do I look like you're personal store?"

Ben rolled his eyes, "I know- I know. I just need some… I thought I could snag yours…"

"For what?" John turned on his heel then, ignoring the droplets of water cascading down his chest and over his dark pert nipples. "You got some hot pussy waitin' for you, rookie?"

"Jesus, John- I was just askin' for body spray." Ben shrugged helplessly and was about to leave when John grunted and pulled out his deodorant spray. A mild look of surprise from the rookie didn't pass by John as Ben caught the can and sprayed a few times before tossing it back. "Thanks," said Ben with a hint of a smile.

"Whatever," John replied pushing all his things in his duffle bag, hurrying the process so he could just go home and forget about the rippling muscles and hauntingly dark eyes that now glared at him.

"Got any plans tonight?" Ben asked casually, running a careless hand through his damp sandy blond hair.

"No."

"It's Friday night, John."

"So?"

"Fine," Ben commented, "Just tryin' to get to know you man."

"By asking me my Friday night plans?" John asked suspiciously.

Ben shrugged, "I thought you might be going out with some friends- other than the team."

To be honest, John did have plans. He was going to do the same thing he did every Friday night. Go to his gay bar near his house, find the prescription drug dealer that had the painkillers he wanted, drink himself silly, maybe fuck, go home and pass out. Sometimes that plan changed though. Depending on the drug dealer's mood, they would sometimes fuck like horny dogs in the bar bathroom. John would bend him over the sink and pound him senselessly until they both climaxed fervently after their rough sex. It was always rough with John. The nights he got a good screw where the nights he didn't have to drink himself into a stupor to fall asleep.

And tonight he wondered if he might have a difficult time dozing off with images of naked Ben ran through his mind. Maybe he'd get lucky and his drug dealer would be in the mood for some casual back room fucking.

"No- no plans, Ben." He replied trying not to sound so bitter about it.

Ben nodded slowly, his dark eyes surveying him. "K- well I see you later then."

John muttered a good night and picked up his duffle bag. He couldn't get out of the locker room fast enough. The minute he hit the parking lot and his car door shut and locked, his pressed the palm of his hand into his aching cock. He groaned painfully. The pressure between his legs had built from the moment he laid eyes on Ben to the moment he left. He had been uncomfortable standing right in front of him with a bonner. He felt like some high school teen with no control over his sex drive.

God- he needed to get his shit under control, he realized then. He stepped down hard the accelerator and sped off, heading straight for his bar.

_**TBC**_


	2. Ch 2: InPursuit

**Chapter 2: In-Pursuit**

Ben followed. He couldn't reason why or figure out when he decided to do it. Just that he wanted to. He wanted to know about his puzzling superior and maybe get some insights on who the man really was. John was truly a complex cat. Aside from being a pill popping asshole, he knew that deep down underneath all that bullshit beat the heart of an honorable man. Ben saw that on their first day together as partners. Someone who he could trust completely and eventually respect.

Now more than ever Ben wanted to reach out to John, especially after they had a good day today. Today had been reminiscent of Ben's first few weeks on the job, and he liked it. No- he thought, he loved it. He relished having the old John back. John's tough remarks to Ben, the hard decisions that he made look simple and the hard-shell of his outer demeanor when confronted with the public. Ben preferred _that_ John over the pain-induced junkie that he had recently become.

Stealthily he followed John out of the parking lot. He dressed quickly, throwing on his clothes still wet and shoving everything into his backpack before racing out the door minutes after John. He thought that he might have lost him when he hit the road on his motorcycle but John's mustang was easy to spot. He turned his bike towards John's direction and within minutes he parked outside a dive-bar.

The mustang still hummed from the drive as Ben walked past it. John was inside. Ben hesitated then. He never did anything like this before. He didn't know how John would react. He shrugged, deciding that he might as well give this a shot before he pussied out.

The second Ben walked into the bar he was engulfed with the bitter smell of liquor, sweat and smoke. He walked past a few patrons, his eyes surveying the dimly lit bar for his partner. He spotted John then, hunched over the bar on a stool and talking with the bartender, ordering a drink. Ben had to admit, John stood out whether he wanted to or not. His burly form was thick, yet underneath that shirt, Ben knew it wasn't fat. It was raw, powerful man. He was built, with ripped arms and lean build. Ben liked that about John. Mostly because Ben himself was always considered the runt of the family, though he kept his body in good health, working out and eating right, he still was only 5'7. John was built to be a cop. He was tall so that he could loom over people or bear down on them, a chiseled handsome face and large skull cracking fists. Traits Ben didn't have.

He casually strolled over to John and took the seat next to him at the bar. He caught the male bartender's gaze, "Make that two," he said referring to whatever John had ordered. The bartender nodded and sent John a mischievous wink. Ben glanced over to John, who was glaring daggers at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" John suddenly demanded. Alarm etched on his face.

"I followed you- figured you want some company." Ben lied, pretending to be interested in the dive-bar. But really, his focus was riveted to the man besides him.

"Christ Ben, this was the wrong place to follow me to," He grumbled angrily as the bartender twirled around with two beers in his hands. He glanced between them.

"So… who's your friend John?" the bartender asked smiling almost knowingly at them.

"We're partners," Ben said, taking a swig from his icy cold beer.

"Oh! Partners! John I had no idea," the bartender said exuberantly, his eyes lighting in delight.

Ben narrowed his eyes suspiciously. John snorted, "It's not like that Eddie."

Eddie the bartender chuckled, "Aw-huh. Well honey the minute you actually decide to settle down, I should be the first to know."

Eddie the bartender twirled around and sauntered over to the waiting customer at the end of the bar. Ben stared at the curious man, realizing a few seconds ago that he was clearly gay and had mistaken Ben's term 'partners' as sexual ones, not work ones.

"Sorry about that," John's voice was gruff as he said, "Eddie and I go way back. And he doesn't know when to shut-up either."

"Clearly," Ben replied, sipping his beer, refusing to bring up the topic of them being gay lovers. Yet Ben had had his suspicions about John for a while now. And he had a strange feeling that tonight, he accidently just proved it true. He noted the men in the bar and returned his gaze to John, who also noted the men in the bar and the overall lack of women.

John's stare was as cold as Ben's beer. Ben cleared his throat awkwardly, "So… do you have a partner?"

John's cold gaze turned steely. "What's it to you?"

Ben shrugged, "it's not. I just wanted to know…"

"If I'm a fag?" John clarified for him.

Ben felt a spike of alarm in his chest from John's sudden anger. He didn't mean to piss him off, so he kept his mouth firmly shut.

John finally snapped, "Yeah- ok? I'm a big fuckin-faggot. So deal with it rookie."

"I don't care either way. It doesn't bother me."

"Really? You don't care that your superior is a cock sucker?" John remarked crudely.

Ben tensed. He knew John was just trying to get a rise out of him now. "Nah- as long as being gay doesn't affect your abilities to be a cop or me- I could care the fuck less, John."

John suddenly laughed heartily at this. "Affect my abilities as a cop…?" he continued to laugh. Ben felt his infectious laughter spill onto him and he couldn't help but smile back. "Jesus- you sounded like a true-blue-rookie then. Do you really think my sexuality has anything to do with my job?"

Ben paused, thinking of moments of when this could've been a problem. But no, he really couldn't. "No…" he answered honestly.

John continued to smile as he took a sip of his beer. Ben couldn't stop staring at the way his eyes crinkled in the corner when he smiled, or the smile itself. John was handsome when he was happy and seeing it now made Ben's stomach knot and twist strangely again. Damnit, what the hell? Was he attracted to John? Is this why he followed him here? To figure out what these strange, mixed up emotions were. Was he sexually attracted to him? Floored, Ben sat there, staring. Holly shit, he was, he realized with startling clarity. That's why it took him so long to piece it together, why he followed here, why he felt so strangely whenever they got just a little too close…

Suddenly Ben felt a hand brush against his arm. He glanced over his shoulder to see a man, slightly older than him and handsome in his own way, give him a sulturous smile. "Can I buy you a drink?" the guy asked in an obvious come-hither voice. His slicked black hair and cheesy golden necklace didn't appeal to Ben at all. He vaguely reminded him of guys who prowled the streets looking to score some drugs. Someone they might, as cops, follow to bust later. But this guy was checking him out, his eyes trailing up and down his body as if giving him a physical. Ben realized slightly horrified that he was being hit on!

He gulped, "No thanks, man."

The guy arched an eyebrow, "Are you sure?" He glanced over to John, who remained mysteriously quiet. "Cause I don't think he's interested. And I'm more than interested to hear your story, baby."

Ben nearly choked on his beer.

"His story?" John's strong voice suddenly rang out. "What the hell kind of line is that, anyway?"

The guy titled his head and glared openly back at John. "Look sweetheart- you can't blame me for pouncing on the hottest honey here. Seeing as how you ain't."

John gritted his teeth, "Piss off."

"I'm sorry- but two seconds ago you didn't seem to care too much. Why the sudden interest? It's obvious he ain't with you. So I think you should mind your business, tough guy." He snapped back, brushing ever closer to Ben. Ben hadn't even noticed this, he'd been too distracted by the furious anger building on John's face. But when the man stroked his back and cupped the back of his neck possessively, Ben flung backwards, but not before John was out of his chair and had the guy around the throat.

"You touch him again, and I'll jam that apple-tini of yours up your ass," John hissed furiously, holding the guy down against the bar. Beer spilled onto the counter, people jumped out of their seats.

Ben placed a firm hand on John's back and another one around his arm, "let him go… c'mon, John."

John's tense body relaxed slightly under his touch as he released the guy. The man stumbled away, clutching his throat as he fled.

John turned to him, his eyes surveying him closely, protectively. "Are you okay?"

Ben would've laughed at how serious he sounded, but from the obvious intent on his face, he kept his mouth shut and just nodded. His bright blue eyes flashed angrily, then after a moment of just staring, his face softened.

"C'mon- let's go. You don't belong here." John said abruptly as he paid for their beers and pushed his way through the on-lookers.

When the cold night air hit his face and the door of the bar closed firmly behind them, he heard John's strong voice. "What the hell were you thinking when you followed me here?"

Ben followed him to his mustang, trying to think of an excuse. Because telling John the truth was out of the question. "I dunno- I guess I just wanted to get to know you better. I mean- you never talk about yourself, let alone open up about anything. Shit, John I had to figure out you are gay by accidently finding you at a _gay_ bar. You know you can trust me."

John rounded on him, "You think I wanna tell people I'm gay? Especially cops?"

Ben hesitated.

"No- I don't. And definitely not my partner who might freak out. Because the majority of our day is spent in a car, together, alone. So yeah, telling you that I'm a fag would make this partnership much easier." John said disbelievingly.

Ben suddenly snapped. He had enough of John not trusting him. Of thinking he couldn't handle anything on his own. He deserved more than that. "You know what- screw you, John. I don't give a shit if you're gay! All right? I just want you to trust me- that's it. Trust that I won't or never will snitch you out for anyone or anything thing. You're my partner, but I also consider you a friend. So fuck you in thinking I don't care- because I do."

Ben spun on his heel and headed back to his bike, anger filling him up so tremendously his body was shaking.

"Oh-what? You gonna go off and pout rookie?" John shot back viciously.

Ben gritted his teeth, refusing to back down or give in to his little taunts.

"That's right… go home and cry to mommy. Maybe she'll buy you another bike to make you feel better."

Before Ben realized what he was doing, he did it. In less than ten steps, he vaulted back to John and swung, using his whole body to pack the punch. His knuckles missed, not hitting flesh or bone, but hard plastic of John's Mustang. He let out a cry of pain as his hand vibrated. Suddenly John was on him, pushing his back into the car, grabbing his hand to examine it. Ben froze, feeling his hand being cradled in John's large palm. He ran his fingers over the redness of his knuckles.

"Did you break anything?" he asked, his eyes focused on his damaged hand. Completely unperturbed by the fact that he just tried to sucker punch him.

Ben felt the stirrings so suddenly that he couldn't breathe. John was inches away from him, touching him, pressing him into the car… Ben felt the hot sexual need spike his blood and send his heart racing into high gear. He wanted to reach out and capture John's face and smother him with hard, passionate kisses. Just thinking about tasting him, hearing him moan, feeling him dominate him, made his cock thicken and build into an aching erection.

"No," he whispered out thickly. Oh God, he thought horrified. He let the back of his head drop against the car in total abandonment. He couldn't believe this. All these feelings and strange emotions that had been haunting him the past few days had been sexual! Why didn't he figure it out before? Denial…? He vaguely wondered this as he felt John's hand rub over the bruised knuckles gently. Ben sighed.

"Ben…" John said in a gruff voice. Ben opened his eyes and looked up to see John, staring at his parted lips with hunger flaring in those icy blue eyes.

Ben's cock stiffened painfully. John wanted him too… Ben suddenly felt himself slip over the edge and plummet face-first into the rocks as he stepped forward quickly, without hesitation, and took John's mouth with his own.

He kissed hungrily, greedily at first. Sucking his lips, tasting the sweet musky maleness of him. But when John didn't respond, he pulled back, unsure, scared and so fucking aroused he thought he might burst. He wanted to keep kissing him, tasting him but not unless John wanted to too.

"What are you doing?" John's voice was gravely and hoarse, heavy with arousal.

Ben shivered, knowing John wanted him but was denying him for some reason. He stepped closer, feeler bolder, stronger. Without a word, he palmed John's crotch and felt the proof. John was harder than a rock and straining against his jeans. Ben exhaled, biting his lip as the tension around his own cock swelled unbearably as he rubbed John's erection with slow deliberate strokes. Under heavy eyelids, John reached past Ben and gripped the car, giving into him yet resisting at the same time. Ben wouldn't back down though. He firmly gripped him through the jeans and tugged.

John gasped, opening his mouth, giving Ben the opportunity he needed to capture those lips once more while he was vulnerable. He gave him a searing kiss, putting everything he had into it. John's resistance snapped, finally. He roughly pushed him back against the car, pulling his hand away from his crotch and pinning him into the cool steel. Ben whimpered, loving this dominate John as he took control of the kiss with equal brutally. He forced his way inside Ben's mouth, his powerful tongue dipping inside. His face pivoting to get more, taste more, feel more.

Ben's heart pounded in his chest, his blood boiled in his veins. He wanted this. Exactly this. Suddenly he felt John's manhood demandingly push up against his body. Ben clutched wildly to him now, holding onto his shirt, and running a hand through his hair with the other hand. They made out like teenagers against his car. Each man trying to dominate. Each scorching kiss pushing them that much closer to the edge. John humped into him, his cock brushing his. They were both so hard and horny from the friction of the dry-humping.

But Ben wanted more, he wanted to feel it all. "John…" he said breathlessly. He was so needy and aroused he couldn't think straight. Luckily John thought for him as he suddenly unlocked his door and pushed him inside into the back seat. The car smelled like John, like their police car. Oh fuck, Ben thought, suddenly realizing that the smell alone made him harder. And the idea of John, dressed in his uniform, fucking him, also sent shivers down his spine as he flopped ungraciously into the back seat, with John's helpful push on his butt.

The moment the door shut behind John and he knelt above him, Ben ripped off the white button shirt, buttons flying. John didn't seem to mind as he helped Ben pull of his dark t-shirt, revealing his naked torso and pert nipples. He felt his stomach muscles quiver as John traced a calloused palm over his naked flesh, down to the waistline of his jeans.

When John pulled back the zipper, and because Ben had rushed out of the station, he didn't bother with underwear, so when he felt John's hand pull him free, he nearly came.

John stroked him, breathing heavily, his own arousal straining as he pulled on his shaft.

A bead of precum soaked his tip, he was on the verge of cumming right then and there. "Oh- fuck… John…" he panted, writhing beneath his touch, his body tensing to prevent himself from climaxing so soon.

John suddenly ripped off his jeans, tossing them into the front seat as he then pulled out a condom from his pocket and with shaky hands lowered his own jeans. Ben watched under a needy gaze, filling with a newfound sense of urgency. He got to his knees, knowing he wanted this, knowing he wanted John to make love to him, to fuck him, to enter him. John was breathing heavily by the time the condom was on his dick. Ben captured his mouth one more time, their teeth clashing it was so violent and passionate. John hummed frantically and pushed him away, positioning him on his knees as he backed his rear up to the tip of his cock.

He hesitated a moment. But Ben was so hard, he whimpered desperately. And that's all John needed to hear because a second later he thrust his way inside of him. Ben cried out in pain. He'd never experienced the feeling of being so filled before and it took his body a moment to adjust to the large intrusion.

"Relax," John demanded as he reached around and pumped Ben's cock madly. Ben gasped, crying out in pleasure now, so close to cumming he dug his finger tips into the seat.

John pulled out slightly then pushed back harder, this time shaking the entire car. Ben suddenly felt the new sensation, a glorious sensation that sent him gasping, panting and moaning out John's name, asking for more. And John gave him more. He fucked him viciously. Pound after pound into his flesh, his cock thrusting deeper and harder. The tension around his cock built into a tower and all he could do was let himself go now. He muscles tensed in his butt, his cock twitched and ached one last time before he gushed into John's hand. He groaned, a low and unearthly tone. He'd never orgasmed that hard in his entire life. John continued to fuck him. Pushing until finally… he peeked. John's muscles tensed against him and he grabbed frantically onto Ben's hips as he climaxed. He continued fucking him until he drained completely, his thrusts shallow and slowing.

Ben felt John pull out of him, their frantic breathing filling the car as they crumbled into the cushioned seats. John pulled Ben on top of him, their sweat slicken bodies touching. Ben had never, ever been fucked that good. God- the orgasm alone was mind-altering. He couldn't have normal sex ever again after something that so incredibly hot.

Ben glanced up to see John's eyes closed and his breathing begin to even out now. Ben moved upwards and slipped his mouth over his once more, tasting the maleness of him, the bitter sweetness. John opened his mouth for him, they tongued and made out a few minutes, just kissing. It was so hot that Ben felt the stirrings of another arousal begin to build again.

"Christ," John muttered, gripping the back of Ben's neck, holding him at bay. "You're trying to kill me aren't you?"

Ben licked his lips, tasting him. John's eyes flared hungrily. "It's payback for all the hell you put me through."

John smiled, letting his thumb push and rub Ben's lower lip. His lips were raw and sensitive and John was exploiting this. "I want to fuck you again, you shit."

Ben smiled gleefully and intentionally pumped his hips forward, rocking his manhood against John's. John sighed and then groaned as Ben continued to brush their cocks together.

Instead John pushed him off, "I'm not as young as you, kid. I'd need a sandwich and beer first."

Ben laughed and let himself sprawl against the door, sighing heavily.

He watched as John grabbed his clothes and tossed them at him. Wordlessly, Ben redressed while John did too. A few minutes later, dressed and with tousled sex hair, Ben stepped out of the car. He felt rejuvenated yet sore. He took a step and hesitated, feeling the ache from being fucked so aggressively. Good thing he liked it, he thought then glanced at the motorcycle despairingly. The idea of driving that home after rough sex, didn't sound pleasing.

John noticed his mournful look and chuckled. He suddenly felt John's warm, hard hand grab a handful of his ass as he whispered seductively into his ear, "what? Afraid your ride might be too much?"

Ben sighed, loving the way John massaged his ass, his cock already beginning to grow deliciously between his thighs.

John reached around and felt his hardness, palming him through his jeans. All Ben could think of how wonderful John's actual flesh on flesh hand had been in comparison through jeans. He arched his back and pushed himself into his firm hand. "You sure are a horny fuck," he taunted in delight as he ground his hand into his pants, while holding him against his body.

Ben pumped forward. John cursed, realizing that he started something that he had to finish. In the parking lot, in full view of who ever should walk outside in that moment, John quickly unbuttoned Ben's jeans, slipped his hand inside and jerked him off. Ben smothered the urge to cry out. Instead he moaned and writhed, his cock being tugged so roughly he had a feeling that he'd be sore there tomorrow too. But he fucking loved it. So rough, so hard, so demanding, so amazingly wonderful…

"Oh-God… John!" He shouted as he came yet again. John nuzzled his neck, sucking his skin, licking him.

Ben slumped against him, letting his body melt into him. John chuckled, "I can give you a ride home."

Ben simply nodded, unable to speak let alone walk. A few minutes later, he was in the passenger seat and they were on the road. A familiarity overwhelmed him then. Being next to John. On the road to nowhere. He liked this feeling and he never wanted it to leave him. He dozed off dreamily and when he woke, they were in front of his house.

He glanced at the dimly lit house and resisted the idea of walking inside alone. He looked over his shoulder to John and asked, "You wanna come in?"

John started at him in mild surprise before saying, "No. You have to work tomorrow- I don't. I was just gonna head home and sleep."

Ben smiled, "So you're saying you don't want to come in because you're afraid that you'll end up wearing me out. And worried that I won't be able to do my job properly tomorrow?"

John smiled lightly, "Something like that."

Ben just laughed, "All right- I can take the hint."

Before he clambered out of the car, he heard John say, "good-night rookie. And by the way, I never once doubted that I couldn't trust you. It's my secret to keep and I didn't want you having to hold onto too."

Ben stared at from the opened car door and said quietly, "I guess it's too late now." He shut the door and strode to his house.

_**TBC**_


	3. Ch 3: It's Serious

**Chapter 3: It's Serious**

John rubbed the tense muscles in the back of his neck and relaxed into the couch. He'd been so tired when he showed up at Ben's that he realized he was early, and Ben wasn't even off work yet. Shit, he thought irritably as he found a hide-a-key stone in the bushes and let himself in. For a kid hell bent on security and policing, he sure did ask for trouble with something like that. He didn't dwell on this as he poured himself a glass of whiskey and plopped down on the couch.

It had been a few weeks now since their little encounter in the parking lot of the gay bar. And every night since had been a long blur of rampant, sweaty, passionate, hot sex. He barely slept and when he did, he was out for good. Ben wore him out with that demanding youthful body of his and all those pesky urges. Ben had never experienced a man before so when they started going at it, he had a lot of catching up to do.

John smiled at this, thinking about how Ben looked when John turned the tables on him and let him be on 'top'. Ben was quite nervous at first, but after a few minutes of torrid foreplay, the kid was more than ready to fuck him silly. And oh-hell did he ever. John was sore the next day but didn't care. It turned him on more when he felt that ache during the day and resisting the urge to reach across the car and smother the rookie with scorching kisses wasn't far from his mind.

But they were professionals. Neither one of them ever even mentioned their afterhours activity once they dawned their uniforms. It was business as usual for the both of them. But John had to admit, he wasn't as tough on him now that he knew him intimately. Still, they stayed good partner when the shared the police cursor and walked the beat. They traveled that road to nowhere everyday and it didn't matter what happened between them, because LA didn't care either.

When their first night happened, John thought it was a mistake. Something that he should have never done with Ben, the rookie cop who looked up to him, counted on him. And John betrayed his trust. God, he felt like a monster the following day. Until later that night he got a text message from Ben: 'I wanna see you. Give me your address.'

John did, thinking that Ben needed some closure or a talk or whatever, to justify his insane mistake with him the night before. Instead the second John opened the door, Ben was all over him. He barely had time to shut the door before Ben was pulling off his clothes and kissing him senseless. John hummed at the memory. That had been one hellva night too. Now he could barely keep his eyes open.

He'd gotten off early today because he was desk-bound, catching up on paperwork while Ben took the road with Dewy. John was caught off guard with the sharp pang of jealousy as Dewy strolled out of the office, a hand on Ben's shoulder as he said laughingly, "I get'ya today kid. Hopefully I won't kill yah." He joked about this, but John glared daggers at his friend's back, wishing he'd get his God damn hands off him.

Ben only looked slightly worried as he shrugged away from underneath Dewy's hand and sent John a helpless look. John couldn't stop glaring at Dewy though. Now he knew Ben was probably on his way back here, knowing he'd be waiting for him. But probably not in his house. John just smiled at this and felt himself drift…

He woke with the sound of Ben pouring a glass of whiskey. Lazily he lifted his head and watched Ben walk over to the couch, glass in hand and stand over him. John felt that clench in his stomach as he looked up at the handsome face before him. Damn was this man beautiful. Movie star, Hollywood beautiful. And what the hell was he doing with an old guy like him, he hadn't a clue. But apparently, Ben did because he was still here, with him, every night for the past two glorious weeks.

"Please, come in." Ben said in a mockingly low voice as he took a healthy swig of his drink. "The doors open."

John cocked an eyebrow, "It's not my fault you use a hide-a-key."

Ben snorted, "Yeah, my mom bought it for me. She uses it when she's in town to crash here some times."

"You mean if she's too fucked up to find her way back home?" John asked bluntly. He regretted it the moment he said it. Damnit, why couldn't he just keep his fuckin' mouth shut?

Ben stared down at him, his eyes surprisingly soft. "Yeah, actually."

John sighed, "Look- I'm sorry… I didn't mean to say that."

Ben polished off his whiskey and tossed the glass onto the other end of the couch. "Yeah you did." He smiled thinly then, "you have a way of cutting through the bullshit."

"Right- as subtle as a damned hammer."

"That's probably why I like you so much. Where I come from all people do is bullshit. Talk about nothing for hours. With you…" he trailed off, looking at him differently than he ever has. John felt his heart squeeze and his blood race. He tried not to show how much Ben affected him with just one look.

"When I'm with you…" he continued slowly, lowering himself onto the couch, his knees straddling him, "I don't have to bullshit. I can just be me. And you have no idea how truly amazing that feels." Ben's eyes were full of emotion as he said this. John tried to wall his heart off, tried to desperately keep emotions from entering the picture between them, but hell- he couldn't resist those puppy dog eyes.

Ben placed John's hands around his waist as he leaned over him and touched his lips against his. The kiss was druggingly slow and agonizingly tender. John felt himself being torn apart inside. He dug his fingers into Ben's sides, opening his mouth and slipping his tongue inside. He tasted of whiskey and pure sensuality.

Ben peeled off his shirt and threw it behind him, along with John's shirt. They made out on the couch until John lost patience, wanting to do more as he pushed Ben down onto the cushions and stripped off his pants roughly. Ben allowed it, moaning the whole time, his body tense and cock fiercely hard when it sprang free. John, without thinking, without knowing, slipped his mouth over that beautiful cock. Ben seized on the couch, gasping and clutching desperately to the cushions. John sucked him brutally, pulling and tugging with his lips and teeth, grazing over his head and fondling his balls. Ben writhed, panting out his name over and over. When he finally came, his back arched, his cock spasmed in his mouth and John swallowed him whole.

John sat up, pulled off his jeans and before Ben could regain his composure or balance, John lifted his legs slightly and entered him. Ben cried out in surprise when John's towering cock slammed into him. He was so hard from all that sucking and listening to those soft, sexy little moans that he could barely contain himself. Now he was already on the verge of cumming. He fucked him hard, harder than ever before, slamming into him with such desperation and need that he barely knew what hit him when he came. It was fierce and cruel as he gushed inside Ben. Ben's body went taunt, his butt muscles clenched around his cock. John growled, thrusting forward one more time, like some damned animal, laying claim him. He heard Ben gasp and felt his hand grab his ass, pushing him in deeper as if knowing this was what he was doing- marking him.

Ben reached for him, cradling his head into his arms as John slid out of him, drained, depleted. He inhaled a shaky breath. He held him in his arms for a while. It was so intimate and unlike their usual after sex routine, that John finally pulled away, confused. Ben must have seen the shift in his expression because he sat up too, his eyes full of emotion again.

Oh dear Christ, John thought, petrified. He didn't want Ben to say anything that would ruin this. He didn't want this to ever stop and if he said something to compromise this now, he would never forgive him. So he did what he did best, divert and head a different direction.

"How was ridin' with Dewy today?" He asked while grabbing his discarded jeans and tugging them back on.

Ben stilled, his eyes draining of whatever he was about to say as he leaned back into the couch, "good. Fine."

John glanced over his shoulder to the rookie, noting that Ben was uncaring of his rather revealing nudity displayed before him. And fuck him-sideways, was it tempting, he thought grudgingly. He quickly grabbed his shirt and pulled it on.

"That fun huh?" he asked suspiciously.

Ben rolled his eyes, "What you want me to say that riding with him was nothing like riding with you?"

John shrugged, pretending indifference, though he actually did want him to say that.

Ben smirked, "All right… he was nothing compared to riding you."

"I think you mean riding _with_ me," John corrected.

Ben didn't answer, just smiled smugly.

A pure, white-hot spasm of jealousy swept through him as he sent him a scolding look.

Ben bit his lower lip, lifted his knee to rest it against the side of the cushions of the couch, his cock resting between his thighs and getting stiff. "I think I like it when you're jealous, John."

"I'm not jealous," John bit out angrily, though knowing he sounded jealous.

"So I guess you wouldn't mind if I rode with Dewy more often?" he asked causally.

"Not at all. If you wanna ride around with that idiot, by all means."

John abruptly stood and grabbed his jacket by the door. His movements were jerky and his anger boiling. Damnit, fuck, shit, piss!

Ben suddenly got to his feet and walked gloriously naked past him to the whiskey bottle and poured another glass. "You're not staying?"

John swallowed convulsively, "No. I've got to get some sleep tonight."

"It's only six o'clock."

John shrugged, gripping his jacket, trying not to stare at the perfect body before him. "What are you doing tonight?" he asked distractingly.

Ben picked up his jeans and pulled out his phone. He glanced at it before saying, "My sister wants me to go on another blind date tonight. Last time it didn't go so well, but she's supposedly found me the winner and wants me to meet and drink."

"And bullshit," John retorted icily.

Ben avoided looking at him, busy with his stupid phone. "Yeah- that too probably."

Fine, let the kid have his fun. Meet the girl of his dreams and get married. What did he care? They were just fucking. Nothing serious- no commitments, no attachments, right? He ground his teeth as he said, "well- have fun. I'll see you later."

He turned his back, needing to escape, needing to get away from the crushing feeling in his chest. Damnit, he wasn't supposed to get invested in this. He wasn't supposed to care! Suddenly he was slammed roughly into the door, Ben's hard, muscled body pinning him to the door.

"You know what John- I think I've figured you out." Ben whispered heatedly. "You're a coward."

John seethed in rage as he flung Ben off him and shoved him into the opposite wall. He was so angry, so hurt, and so ridiculously emotional that he did the only thing he could think of to do. He slammed a hard hand into the wall of his chest and kept him locked against the wall, as he smothered him with rough, primal kisses.

Ben fought him though, pushing and trying to get away. But he wouldn't let him. No- he wanted someone else, he wanted Dewy or some mysterious blind date- so John would remind him why it wasn't good to play with fire and who was really in charge.

Suddenly Ben clamped down his teeth on his lower lip. John pulled away, cursing. He tasted the metallic flavor of his blood. He licked it off his lip, staring intensely at Ben, who was panting and had a towering erection. John arched an eyebrow at him, "have fun with the girls, Ben. I'm sure they'll just eat you up."

"Fuck you," he shot back, anger flashing in his eyes.

"I'd take a cold shower first before strolling out of the house with that. You might hurt somebody," John remarked.

Suddenly Ben launched onto him, pushing him down the hallway to his bedroom. John bouncing on the mattress springs before he realized it. Ben ripped off his shirt and yanked off his jeans. The bulging muscles in his arms working as he roughly pinned him down, his erection demanding as he lowered himself onto his naked body. Flesh met flesh and with a torrid desire, both men devoured each other. They both burned and tasted fire. John let Ben dominate him. He knew he wanted to. He felt it in the way he held him close, controlled his movements, forced his lips down on him.

Ben bit the side of his neck hungrily, sucking so hard John winced, knowing that he wanted to bruise him… mark him. He let him. He wanted him to. He wanted him to know that he was his, body and soul, even if he couldn't say it. Ben reached between their tangled bodies and stroked his shaft, which had ached deliciously between them, unattended until now. He sighed, when Ben sucked his nipples and let their bodies slid off one another. He spread his legs open, signaling to Ben that he was letting him take control tonight.

And Ben didn't need to be asked twice. He tugged brutally on John's cock. He arched off the bed, crying out in crazed need. Oh God, this man had the most wonderful hands. He wanted them to never leave his body… always touch him… only touch him. The idea of him with another woman or god forbid another man, left a hallow empty feeling in his chest. He didn't want to give him up. Not yet. Not ever.

Suddenly John felt Ben stir restlessly as he shifted his legs and with one, hard thrust, entered him.

"Ben!" John called out gaspingly, clutching the bed sheets, letting him fill him up.

Ben didn't let up though. His anger from before just pent up inside him and now, he planned on unleashing hell on him, he could see it in his eyes. He pounded into him, long and hard. He grunted, giving himself to Ben, letting his muscles bunch and ease with each new wave of sensation. Ben pushed further than before, riding him roughly, demanding and mean. He unexpectedly quickened his pace. The tension built in his cock so suddenly that he couldn't prevent the burst. He came. John cried loudly, the orgasm flowing through his entire body, wave after wave. Ben continued to fuck him mindlessly. Pounding into him until there was nothing left but feeling. Suddenly, almost violently, Ben came. His whole body trembled and shook as he released inside him.

And just as abruptly, he fell away, falling down on the mattress, sweat trickling down the side of his face. The two men just laid there, breathless, exhausted.

Suddenly they heard his phone begin to ring in the next room. Ben sighed. John didn't say anything. Finally Ben rolled out of bed and walked naked out of the room and answered his phone.

John listened.

"Hey," Ben said softly. "Yeah, I know it's tonight…" he heard him say to his sister. "I know, but…" he sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, sis. But I've met somebody."

John's heart flipped. He suddenly couldn't do anything but lie there, immobile.

"I know- I should've told you… hey- how about I make it up to you? Drinks on me tomorrow night?" there was a pause before Ben said, "all right- good. I'll see you later." There was another pause when he heard Ben say something else to his sister, "yeah- it's serious. Nice try."

_It's serious_… the words replayed over and over in his head as he listened to the phone beep and the soft footfalls of Ben as he walked back into the bedroom. Ben looked disheveled and tired. When he locked eyes with John, he stopped in front of the bed, a sudden look of insecurity passed over his face. John said nothing as he reached up and grabbed the back his neck and kissed him softly. This kiss was different. Not rough or passionate. But soft, intimate, loving…

Ben pulled back, searching his face, but if he saw anything he didn't say. Instead he climbed back into bed, letting John pull him in close as they spooned and fell into deep, peaceful sleep.

_**TBC**_

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><p><strong>Please review &amp; comment! I'm getting desperate to hear feedback on the story so far. Thanks! <strong>

**~kidneythieves**


	4. Ch 4: A Party

**Chapter 4: A Party**

Ben stared disbelieving at the scene before him.

He could've gone a lifetime without picturing this or even imaging it happening but here he was, at his mother's gala with John by his side. Still slightly stunned, Ben gave the man besides him another quick, surveying glance.

He cool and calm demeanor was a façade of the real man beneath, the tough, hard and demanding man who Ben had managed to fall in love with. His mere presence made Ben feel safer, protected and completely at ease. John had that natural effect on him now.

His dirty blond hair was cut neatly short and his chiseled chin was freshly shaved. Requirements of the job. Yet he made it look good. Ben had admired the finely cut black suit he wore when he walked out of the bedroom earlier that evening. Meanwhile, he had been pacing worriedly, over thinking himself and his request of John.

But when John strode out into the living room, the cut of the suit perfectly shaped to fit John's broad shoulders and tall build, his anxiety vanished. He looked incredible. Ben had never seen John in anything but his police uniform or casual denim-blue jeans.

"Where'd you get the suit?" Ben had asked, marveled by the transformation.

"I bought it before I went to sign the divorce papers with my wife and her attorney."

Ben laughed but John just shrugged, "you wouldn't be laughing now if you saw her face when I walked through those doors." Ben felt a hint of a smile tug at his lips, realizing he had a similar reaction when John walked out, dressed in all black like Johnny Cash. Ben nearly told him they were skipping the party so that he could undress him with his teeth and spend the rest of the night devouring the sinfully sexy man.

Now John pulled at his tie again. Ben quickly stepped into intercept before he tugged it into a helpless knot.

"I don't like this tie," John said irritably as he let Ben re-straightened the it.

Ben didn't know how many times in his life he was required to wear a tie, only that it had become second nature to him by the time he was twelve to tie one properly. How the knot should look. How it should hang, well-balanced to the suit and more importantly, his father would say, to the man.

"Its fine," Ben replied firmly, knowing he would have to be stern with John tonight. If they did this right, all he'd have to do was give his mom a peck on the cheek, wish her a happy birthday, toss in his card with the rest of the extravagant presents and get the hell out of here before anyone noticed him.

"What's wrong?" John asked. Ben lifted his gaze to meet those steely blue eyes which were taking inventory of his emotions, reading the apprehension on his face. He pursed his lips. John had the uncanny ability to read him like an open book. And he excelled at the art of knowing what Ben was thinking before he did.

"Nothing, it's fine." He said dismissively, his fingers expertly folding the silk tie.

"I know- you've said that twice now."

An impatient anger shot through him then as he abruptly and purposely pulled too tightly on the knot, choking him. John let out a surprised laugh, slipping a finger between his vulnerable throat and the noose around his neck, shooting him a knowing look.

"Sorry," Ben clipped out. "It looks better though."

"Yeah, whatever," he said, his tone hinting at mild amusement. "Where's the bar?"

Ben nodded towards the back of the house, "follow the art on the far wall. The bar is below the Van."

"Van?"

"Van Gogh."

John seemed unimpressed by this. However he was impressed by the massive crowd of people that filled the main room of the house. Ben gave an inward sigh as he too noticed the slicked suits, Armani shoes, Prada handbags, and Gucci dresses. Everyone here was labeled and polished like their accessories or the designer name on their underwear.

"You want anything?" John asked before he ventured into the throng of high-fashion and the obscenely wealthy. Or as he would say fondly, 'the rich pricks of the Westside'.

"Yeah," Ben hesitated, staring absently at the people that he used to know and worst of all, be. He instinctively tore his gaze away, back to John. Their eyes met. Ben felt his heart suddenly softened and the tension in his muscles unfurl.

John had decided to come with him tonight. He didn't have to. He could've stayed at home and watched the game. A cold beer in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other. But no, Ben had asked him to attend his mother's 60th birthday party up in Beverley Hill's. He asked him to get all dressed up after a long day spent on the grimy, harsh and at times, brutal streets of LA and to wear a tie for him. And he did. No questions asked.

"I'll have whatever you have," Ben finally answered.

The weight of John's eyes pressed into him as though asking him if he would be all right, but not saying it. They could say a lot that way. Ben just nodded, a thin smile on his lips. John took this as a good sign and disappeared into the crowd. He watched him, keen on following him just to stay close.

He didn't know what was more daunting, seeing old friends or his mother. But he was here because his sister had pleaded with him. He shot her down all week but finally he said yes. Now he regretted the impulse. Suddenly he heard John's voice in his head, 'it's time to cowboy the fuck up'. So he did.

Ben weaved his way through the party, searching for the familiar face of his mom or even his sister. He brushed past old friends and even family members but didn't bother to stop. He used to know them, laugh with them, drink with them and care for them. Now they had become strangers. Years spent away could do that, especially in a place like this where a person's friend was dictated on time and more importantly, money.

He finally spotted his sister, her long blond hair wrapped around her face and her laughter filling the room. He instantly felt the pull of a smile on his lips. Her laughter always had that effect on him, even when they were kids. So loud and infectious. She saw him then from across the room. She beamed happily. It had been a while since they saw each other. And in that moment, a sharp pang of sadness overwhelmed him, realizing how much he had given up when he left. He tried to get through the crowds but he was bogged down and couldn't reach her. She rolled her eyes helplessly, noticing the problem.

She then mouthed the words and gestured to the far end of the room, 'Mom- side room. Go get her, please.' He just nodded and gave a quick, reassuring wave. She thanked him with playful air-kiss as he elbowed his way through more people. By the time he reached the far end, he was nearly breathless. He opened the door to the library where he knew his mother would be. And she was.

Firelight spilled into the corners of the darken study room where she had momentarily fled. He opened the door to see her talking in hushed tones to a man on the couch. He didn't recognize him. But he knew instantly what was happening. He had walked into situations similar to this his entire childhood. His mom accompanied with strangers in their house, talking in whispers and the exchanges of money from hand to hand.

And here she was again, still at it. A spark of anger burned inside him, simmering just below the surface. He stood in the doorway, letting the noise of the party fill the quiet room. When he finally spoke, his tone was harsh and abrupt, "Mom."

The man jumped up from the couch, his drink sloshing over his hand while he buried his other hand deep within his pocket. Ben just glared at him as he quickly exited the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Ben!" His mom exclaimed overly cheerful. Unperturbed that he obviously interrupted her.

She stood, the firelight dancing over the contours of her face, darkening the bags under her eyes. She suddenly looked very old. Her once beautiful face was now cracked with wrinkles and her brown hair, graying at the roots and beginning to thin out. He remembered a time when her features were soft, young and vibrant. How she would wear red lipstick around the house, curl her hair, manicure the brightly colored tips of her nails and saunter near the edge of the pool with a martini glass in hand.

But time had not been kind to his mother. Her shoulders were hunched and her body seemed fragile, frail. She wasn't the same woman she used to be he thought, standing there, staring into the empty hollows of her eyes.

"How have you been, darling?" she asked, straightening under his critical gaze as she walked towards him.

He said nothing, just stared at her, accusingly. She sighed dramatically, "It's just a little blow to get the party started, Ben." She suddenly laughed in his face, "what are you going to do? Arrest me Officer Sherman?"

His anger suddenly drained away from him. His mom wouldn't change her partying habits now. She didn't care what other people thought, what it was doing to her health, how it was eating away at her money. She didn't care that Ben disapproved either.

"I didn't come here to fight." He said softly, letting go of his anger as he numbly pulled out the birthday card from his jacket pocket and placed it next to where her martini glass had been. "I just came to wish you a happy birthday, mom."

She abruptly brushed past him, not even acknowledging the card. "Thanks, now- if you don't mind, I have guests to attend to."

She was dismissing him. From the party, this house and her life. The solid sound of the door closing shuddered the room.

Ben just stood there, staring down at the card. It was just some generic store bought birthday card he had picked up on the way here. Nothing special.

Noise of the party filled the room then as the door reopened.

"Ben …" John's resonating voice said from behind him. Footsteps and then, for the second time that night, John's hand moved to his back. The touch meant to be supportive, caring. Ben felt his throat tighten. "That was her, wasn't it?" John's quietly spoken words brought him out of his daze and he raised his eyes to him.

The dim light of the room touched the planes on his handsome face and cast the hollows into deep shadows. A natural strength seemed to radiate from him, flowing onto Ben, filling him with that same force. His heart twisted at the realization that this place had long ago stopped being his home. And it took someone strong and hard like John to make him finally see it.

Ben felt his heart swell, wanting to tell him then and there, that he loved him. That he secretly believed he always had. But he knew John wasn't ready. It would be too much too soon. It didn't matter that the way they made love the past few nights had changed from their heated animalistic passion, to tender and almost loving. Or that Ben stayed with John nearly every night and they were practically living together. No… he had to wait.

"Let's go," Ben suddenly said as he picked up the birthday card and slid it back into his pocket.

_**TBC**_

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><p><strong>Thanks for the comments so far- seriously awesome! thanks! ^_^ keep'em coming!<strong>


	5. Ch 5: Should've

**Chapter 5: Should've**

John paced outside the hospital room. He wasn't angry. Oh- no, he was beyond angry, he was downright vengeful. He wanted to grab one of those wheelchairs and toss it through the glass doors that kept him caged. He wanted to hurl one of these green scrubbed nurses up against a wall and demand information. He had been waiting too damned long and needed answers. No one talked to him. No one stopped to tell him if Officer Ben Sherman was all right.

"John…?" said a soft female voice from behind him. He turned to see Chickie. Her long blond hair was tied up in a firm bun and she still wore her uniform. He knew it was late but still she came. "I heard what happened over the radio. Is he okay?"

John momentarily stopped pacing, his fists clenched in rage. "I don't know," he bit out. "They haven't told me anything." He glared heatedly at one of the nurses who busily filed paperwork.

Chickie must have sensed his anger because she immediately placed a calming hand on his arm. Finally after a moment, she said, "I'll go see what I can find out."

He didn't respond, just nodded curtly. He couldn't speak without seething. He couldn't breathe without wanting to scream. He couldn't feel without wanting to break down, right there in front of all these strangers and fuckin' lose it. He was so close to snapping that he was afraid of what he might do. Jesus, he thought, ranking his hands through his fingers, gnashing his teeth together. He took a breath as he looked through the glass doors that read ICU in big bold letters. Ben was behind those doors. Somewhere. And all John could do was stand her with a thumb up his ass and wait. Fuck, he thought as his knees wobbled and his hands shook. Before he knew it, he collapsed, luckily he was close to a chair and it caught him. His whole body trembled now.

He clasped his hands together, head bent slightly as though about to be sick. He saw the blood stains on his hands then. Ben's blood. It was under his finger nails and dried on the back of his hands. A wave of nausea slammed into him. Oh fuck… he thought, barely holding it in.

Suddenly he felt Chickie's presence as she sat besides him, her comforting hand was on his shoulder. "The nurses say he's stabilized at the moment. It will be a few hours before anyone will be allowed to see him."

John swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Tell me what happened, John." When he didn't say anything, Chickie pressed, "c'mon, John. Talk to me."

"What for?" John snapped, "talkin' isn't gonna help Ben miraculously heal, Chickie!"

Chickie didn't even flinch at his rage. She knew him well enough now. She'd dealt with his rash displays of aggression to know how to handle him. "No, it won't help Ben. But it might help you." She said flatly.

John suddenly felt like an asshole. He sighed, rubbing his blood stained hands over his face. "I wasn't fast enough…" he breathed out through clenched teeth. He saw it replay in his head then. Everything that happened from the moment they stepped out of their patrol car, to the moment he saw Ben hit the ground, bleeding from his gut. "Spotted a junkie with something… thought it was a gun. We pulled over, I tried to talk to him- he ended up flipping out and ran straight at Ben…" he heard his voice crack. "Fucker had a knife," his heart clenched as he remember with perfect clarity the sight of the strung out junkie rush Ben. How his hand held a knife and how it jerked back and forth into Ben's stomach.

Another overwhelming wave of nausea hit him and he slumped in the chair, barely holding himself up. Chickie frantically grabbed him, holding him up into the chair.

"It's not your fault," she whispered.

Ben felt the humiliating tears well up in his eyes. "The hell it is," he choked out. "I should've known… I should've… damnit…" tears streaked his face.

Chickie suddenly did something unexpected and later, John would thank her for it. She pulled him to his feet and found an empty hospital room and shoved him inside. It was as if she knew, somehow saw the signs of what was about to happen before he did. But once he was alone, she shut the door behind her and he broke down and cried.

A few hours later, John sat in Ben's hospital room, dressed in his civilian clothes. He told his sergeant he was taking an unexpected vacation. But his sergeant knew what he was doing. He knew that seeing trauma happen to one of your own, especially to a rookie, his rookie, people took it hard. He signed off on his days off, no questions asked. Now, he sat at Ben's side in a hospital chair and staring at the breathing tubes pumping air into Ben's nose. The mechanical sounds of the medical equipment surrounding his bed, the soft hum of the vent and the occasional beep from the life-support unit. He swallowed the emotional lump in his throat.

Ben's hand rested by his side, unmoving and pale. John reached out instinctively and took his hand, holding onto him.

He should've shot the junkie. He should've been the one who approached him, not Ben. He should've never even stopped, just kept driving. Just drove that road to nowhere. Ended the day with a few arrests, gone home, had a drink and fell asleep with Ben tucked under his arm.

He suddenly remembered this morning. Ben boyishly grinned at him while he pulled clothes out of his duffle bag and began shoving them into John's dresser, claiming that it would just be easier having some of his stuff there from now on. John didn't say anything, just watched as Ben neatly folded his clothes in one of the empty drawers. John didn't mention that he had emptied a few of these drawers for him a few days ago.

Later that morning, after Ben got out of the shower, his hair rumpled and damp, laughed when he said that he beginning to smell like him now after using his shampoo. John told him that he should start bringing his shampoo over then too if he didn't like smelling like him. Ben softly smiled at him, dressed in sweatpants and a dark t-shirt, the heat of the shower still clinging to him. John had been contentedly reading his morning paper and drinking his coffee when he felt Ben's soft, clean face brush against his cheek as he kissed him from over his shoulder. John inhaled that musky scent, smelling himself on Ben and he couldn't hold back his smile.

It was that moment, that precious few seconds John realized the painful truth. He was absolutely, totally, stark-raving mad for Ben Sherman. In other words, he fucking loved the kid. He loved him so much that his heart nearly spilt in two after that sweet little kiss. It was only later that day when his heart was actually torn from his chest when Ben hit the ground, his eyes wide with shock, his face contorted with pain.

He stared at his pale, handsome face now. Wishing it was him lying in this bed, not Ben. Wondering why this happened. Tears began to well up in his eyes again. Damnit, he thought as he wiped hopelessly at the tears. He was becoming a woman with all this blathering.

After a moment, John sat back his hand still resting within Ben's. He should've told him this morning the truth. He should've just said the words the moment he felt them. So he said them now, knowing that it did no good because Ben couldn't hear them, or feel it.

He had wasted all this time. He realized too late that their time was precious. One moment Ben was brushing a kiss against his cheek, the next he was seizing in his arms, blood gushing from his stomach. Now John was standing over him in a hospital room, regretting the time he wasted never having told him how he truly felt.

He placed his lips against his forehead, breathing in the scent of his hair, but only smelling the sanitized smell of the hospital. He sighed, tears streaking his face as he whispered in a hoarse voice, "I love you, Ben."

Suddenly he heard loud heels clacking down the hallway. He pulled back in time to see a young woman fly through the door, distraught. She was beautiful, wearing a posh dress and coat, as though she just stepped off the runway in high heels and flawless skin. Yet her beauty was similar to Ben's. He didn't have to glance back at Ben to see the resemblance. He knew this was his sister.

"You must be Ben's sister," John said, hoping his voice wasn't too gruff.

She didn't seem to even notice him as she stared, wide-eyed and shocked at her brother's pale form on the bed. He was as white as the sheets that covered him. John flexed the muscle in his jaw, not willing to give into anymore tears. Resolute now, he cleared his throat as he spoke firmly, "Ben was attacked. The man who did this is in custody and will be thoroughly punished for what he did."

Her eyes watered slightly, though after John spoke, her stance straightened. "I told him that having this job was stupid." She whispered bitterly. "He didn't listen to me." She glared at Ben, as though it was his fault for getting stabbed in the first place. John stood back, aghast that this woman, this naïve, stupid woman would have the audacity to walk in here, and judge Ben's choices in life after something like this.

"He wanted to prove himself," she continued, getting more upset. "But he just refused to listen to me. And whenever I talk to him now- God," she ranked her nails through her hair. "It's like talking to a completely different person. I don't know who he is anymore! I don't even know who he was seeing…" tears suddenly spilled from her eyes as she finally looked at John helplessly.

"I do," John suddenly heard himself say.

A momentary relief filled her eyes, "You'll call her then. Tell her what happened?"

All John could do was stand there, unsure of how to respond. He debated on telling her the truth. But he didn't feel right doing it. It was Ben's sister after all. What right did he have to tell her another hard truth? That her heterosexual brother just happened to be a homo now and it was all John's fault? No- he would keep his mouth firmly shut on that subject. She had enough to deal with at the moment.

"Yeah, I'll let her know." He said. After a minute, he picked up his jacket. "Do you want anything? I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee."

She looked at him, her eyes clearing as though seeing him for the first time. "Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you." Before he left, she asked, "who are you by the way?"

He smiled tightly at her, "I'm Ben's partner. Officer John Cooper."

_**TBC**_


	6. Ch 6: Truthful

**Chapter 6: Truthful**

It had been a few weeks now since the stabbing and the doctors felt that since Ben was improving daily, that it was time for him to go home. Take it easy of course, but since he was in relatively good health already that his body was healing faster by the day. He had made good progress. His sister drove him home. Since the incident, she had been all over him about quitting his job at the LAPD. She listed off the reasons as though she had made a mental check list in her head ever since she found out he had been critically hurt while on the job. And she wouldn't shut-up about it either.

When they finally made it back to his place, he couldn't wait to get out of the car. He didn't see John's car anywhere. He looked up and down the block, hoping to see him. But he didn't. He let out a deep breath, knowing John was probably back at work by now and he couldn't expect him to drop everything just to see him home. Besides, he knew his sister would be here for that. He instinctively touched his side where his stitches were. It stung off and on. A constant burn that he knew would fade with time.

He just had to wait. And waiting for him was the hardest part.

He and his sister walked into his place. The place felt cold and indifferent to him. It wasn't his home anymore. It was just a place where he sometimes showered and slept. He spent most of his time at John's these days. And then the stabbing… He inwardly sighed. The hospital had become his temporary home. Now he walked into a desolate place. A place where he didn't want to be. His real home was on the other side of town. A place where he could curl up on the bed that smelled achingly familiar and desperately missed and fall into a deep, restful sleep, waiting for John to get off work. He wanted to be there now. But he knew he couldn't. He was on serious painkillers and even if he managed to sneak out once his sister left, he still couldn't drive himself anywhere.

"Well, I see the maid was here," Ben said absently.

She shot him a look, "Don't look at me. I don't know where you hide your extra key and I haven't cleaned a man's place in months, no way was I going to come out of retirement for you."

John then, he thought, knowing that he would have taken the time to straighten up for him before he came back home. A light smile tugged at his lips. Damn, he wanted to see him.

His sister dropped his suitcases soundly in his bedroom and walked into the kitchen. "Want me to go get you something to eat? When was the last time you took your meds?"

Ben shrugged noncommittally as he walked into his bedroom. He noted the lack of clothes in his closet and dressers. He kept most of his clothes at John's house yet he brought all that back while he stayed at the hospital. Now it was packed away in a few suitcases. He stared at the empty closet.

He sat down slowly on the edge of the bed feeling distant and slightly disoriented. How long had it been since he'd even been at his own place? He glanced around his empty looking bedroom, wondering why he didn't feel quite at home. He realized then that it was because he wasn't home. He was in a strange house that was practically empty now. It was foreign to him.

"Where's your stuff?" his sister suddenly asked, "at your girlfriend's?" she shot him a disappointing look then as she strolled into the bedroom with a glass of water in her hand. "Some girlfriend," she muttered. "Not once did I see her at the hospital. And you haven't even talked about her. Your total lack of clothes is proof that you've been sleeping somewhere else."

"Yeah, the hospital." Ben mumbled, taking a sip of water.

"Shut-up, you know what I mean, Ben. When your partner dropped off your clothes, I didn't know that he wiped you out here, damn." She rolled her eyes. "We're gonna have to do some serious laundry to catch up."

"Yeah," was all he could think to say. She glared at him in open hostility then as she grabbed the plush couch in the corner and dragged it in front of him on the bed. Ben watched her, unmoving and seeing the serious intent on her face as she plopped down on the seat and stared at him.

"So, you gonna fill me in on this mysterious chick? Because I think she's a real bitch for never showing up to support you in your time of need. You need to dump her- now."

Ben sighed, he had to tell her the truth, he realized then. She deserved to know. She'd stuck it out with him through all of this. Showed him more support than any other person in his entire family. The only person from his family. She proved how much she cared about him and the least Ben could do was finally be truthful to her. And if she disapproved, then so be it. He was at least honest.

"I've gotta tell you something, sis." Ben began slowly.

Her eyes showed bright with fear as she leaned forward, "are you okay? Do you need some medicine?"

"No, I'm fine," he said reassuringly. "I just don't know how to tell you what I'm about to tell you."

She nodded and sat back, knowing her brother well enough that when he had big news, it was best to prepare. "It's cool, just tell me."

"I didn't lie to you that night when I told you I met someone." She nodded, his stomach tightened uncomfortably. He hadn't told anyone about John, especially to his sister, who had always believed him to be a player. A man who loved women only long enough to leave them. Now he was about to tell her he was gay and that the man that had been at the hospital more than her, wasn't just a considered co-worker, but his lover. "You remember John right?"

She nodded again.

"Well, he… we're kinda… I mean- seeing each other," he blurted out.

She frowned in disbelief, "What? That guy is your partner- like from work?"

"Yeah, he is. But we're also seeing each other." He hesitated, not wanting to say fucking so filled in with the word, "dating- we're dating."

"Are you serious?"

He nodded, "Yeah- deadly actually. We've been seeing each other… romantically for a few months now."

Her mouth dropped open and she gaped at him. Ben took a breath and waited for the verbal back lashing.

"I can't believe this!" She jumped up, shocked and appalled. "You're not gay, Ben!"

"Apparently I am," he replied coolly, suddenly wishing this conversation was over with and that she would just go home now. "Look- I don't have the energy to talk about my sex life at the moment. I just got back, I'm exhausted and the painkillers I took earlier before we left the hospital are kickin' in. So if you want to shout at me, criticize me, hate me… whatever," he said halfheartedly. "Can we talk about it later?"

Her jaw unhinged, "I can't believe you! You just drop a bombshell on me and walk away!" She huffed indignantly and snatched up her purse by his bed.

"I just wanted to be honest with you," he responded weakly.

"Fine- whatever, call me when you're ready to have this conversation, because it is going to happen. Just like the 'find a new job' talk too."

Ben suddenly wanted to laugh. His sister sure had a touch for the dramatic.

As she stormed out of his bedroom, he quickly added, "thanks for the ride home, sis. Love you!"

"Whatever!" she snapped, and then right before she left his house, she called out, "if you need anything…" she hesitated, then finally added, though almost against her better judgment, "just call me, asshole!"

The door slammed soundly behind her. Ben resisted the urge to laugh because it would hurt his stomach, instead he just grinned foolishly and crawled up onto his bed and passed out.

* * *

><p>Ben awoke a few hours later. The first thing he felt was the pain in his stomach. He cringed, biting the inside of his cheek, fighting the overwhelming pain. He frantically turned on his side and reached blindingly for the water and medication bottle his sister had left on his bedside table. But he was too clumsy, he knocked the glass off the table, spilling it along with the bottle onto the floor. He cursed. His stomach muscles clenched up and he cried out.<p>

He breathed through the pain, knowing he'd have to find his inner strength to fight this war. And if it meant gritting his teeth and fisting through this pain, then that's what he'd do. He picked up the glass, which had a slosh of water left, popped the pills in his mouth and washed them down. A deep, calming breath released from his chest, knowing that the medication would soon help ease his pain. Suddenly he heard his front door being opened. He listened to the sound of keys jiggling, then being tossed onto the coffee table, followed by the firm shut and closed lock fall into place.

Heavy footfalls, then finally, John walked into his bedroom. He looked so amazingly good that all Ben could do was stare from the bed. He wore his black leather jacket tonight, along with a dark v-neck t-shirt and form fitting jeans and boots. His masculinity oozed from his very pours. Ben sighed contently then. John was here now. Home.

John noted the spilled water, "Have an accident?"

Ben didn't miss the sarcasm dripping from his tone. "Sorta," he said with a shrug.

John stared at him for a moment, then noticed the open bottle of pain meds on the bedside table. "You in pain?"

Ben didn't say anything at first. He didn't want to admit to John that he was in incredible pain, that's why he hadn't budged from his spot on the bed. "Sorta," he replied casually.

John's steely blue gaze turned icy, "you're lying."

"I'll be fine in twenty minutes once the meds kick in," he said, trying to reassure John.

He simply nodded then walked over to the closet and hung up his jacket, kicked off his boots and began unbuckling his belt.

"I told my sister about us," Ben suddenly blurted out. He didn't know where that came from. He just wanted to see the man's reaction to the news. Would he care that people knew they were together? Did John consider them even 'together' in that sense? In a normal, committed and honest relationship? A lot had happened since the stabbing, but before that they were practically living together.

"And?" John asked.

"She was kinda shocked, I guess. Then angry that I hadn't told her sooner and I think because I guess I'm gay now."

"She's angry at you for being gay?" asked with a mild surprise amusement.

"I dunno," Ben answered honestly. "She's complicated. She thought I was a player or whatever. I seriously doubt she ever expected me to be attracted to men."

John's stance straightened instantly, his voice guttural and cold, "what other men?"

Ben hesitated, "No- I'm just saying 'men' in general."

John didn't seem pleased by this response. Ben sighed, rubbing a hand over his haggard face. He was exhausted. Sleep hadn't come easily for him the past few nights and even though he got a few hours of a nap in, he still felt utterly drained. And John's hard look from across the room wasn't making him feel any better.

"Do you find other men attractive?" John finally asked somewhat accusingly. His voice softened though, as though curiosity overcame his momentary lapse of anger.

Ben pushed the flat of his palm into his temple, pushing down on the growing headache. "No… just you." He drew his hand away from his eyes to meet his gaze, "only you."

John seemed to release a breath as he glanced away then, eyeing the material of the carpet.

Finally Ben began to feel the wave of medication begin to take hold. He sighed, giving into the warming effect it had on his stomach. Suddenly he opened his eyes to see John stripped out of his clothes, down to his boxers. He walked to the bed with an intent face. Ben smiled suddenly, "You're gonna have to wait at least another month before any of that happens again. I can't risk reopening my stitches."

John smirked, "That's not what I had in mind…"

Ben watched in awed amazement as John began to slowly and tenderly undress him. His movements were controlled and soft. His hand brushing over his ankles as he pulled off his socks, then his rough calloused palms gently massaged the contours of his feet, kneading the groves. Ben sighed, letting his eyes drift close and his head fall deeply into his pillow. John's touch was soothing, comforting and yet sensual. Ben couldn't help the stirrings in his stomach grow when he felt John's confident hands tug loose his jeans and slowly pulled them down. He was careful and yet firm at the same time. Ben couldn't help the growing thickness beginning to build around his cock. It had been nearly a month since John touched him. An agonizingly long and horrible month of nurses hovering and poking him. Strangers and their impersonal touches.

He had grown to miss John's hands so much that he dreamt about them some nights in the hospital, remembering what it had been like to be caressed by hands that actually cared about him.

Now it was just like those dreams but so much better. He felt those hands rise slowly up and over his boxers. His erection full and pulsating with need. But he knew John would keep to his word and not do anything to jeopardize his recovery. Instead those hands briefly passed over his aching crotch and pulled down the elastic waistband of the boxers. After they slipped past his feet, John moved up to the side of the bed to take Ben's shirt off. His eyes fluttered open to see John's brilliant blue gaze looking down on him. His heart fluttered. Without saying anything, Ben let John carefully peel off his cotton shirt, cautious of the stitches on his side. Seconds later Ben was completely naked on the bed and exposed to John's scrutinizing gaze. His throat tightened. But not in fear or vulnerability. But something far more threatening… love.

John reached for the lamplight and flicked it off. Moments later, stripped from his own boxers he climbed into the empty side of the bed with him and simply laid there, not touching him. His erection began to slowly slacken yet his need to feel more of John's touch had not.

After several minutes, Ben sighed in frustration. "John…" he said near desperate.

"You know we can't, Ben," John replied firmly. His voice gruff and heavy in the darkness of the bedroom.

"I know," Ben whispered, feeling suddenly stupid of what he was about to ask. Yet he needed this so badly, he didn't care how John reacted or judged. "I just need you to touch me, hold me…"

When John didn't immediately respond, Ben berated himself for even asking. He was being weak and vulnerable.

Suddenly he heard the rustle of sheets and the mattress give under John's body. A warm, strong arm wrapped around his upper body, away from the wound. Ben instinctively turned into the arm, lying on his good side and buried his face into the soft flesh of John's chest. His heart melted as he took a deep, calming breath. Everything felt suddenly so perfect and right that he couldn't bare it. He kissed the flesh that pressed into him.

"I missed you," he whispered sounding horribly needy but not giving a shit.

John's fingers trailed through his hair as he whispered back in a hoarse voice, "me too…"

Both were content to lie there. Both understanding that their relationship had changed in the course of what had happened. Somewhere they both knew that this was more than just sex. And maybe it always had been. For both men.

After a few minutes, Ben felt John's fingers still against him. Sleep slowly began to fill his mind. Then he heard something, so soft and unexpected he thought he dreamed it. "I love you," John breathed out.

Ben's heart twisted in such blinding happiness all he could do was bury his face harder into John's chest and dig his nails into his side. Tears welled up behind his eyelids but he refused to let them fall. John admitted that he loved him. He couldn't believe it. Never in a million years did he believe John would be the first to say those words or even admit them… especially to him. Except he did.

Ben looked up into John's handsome face. He smiled weakly, able to see the dim outline of him in the darkness. "You just had to say it first," he teased lightly.

John's eyebrow cocked, "well one of us had to."

Ben chuckled, "you're impossible sometimes, you know…?"

"Yeah, I know. That's why you love me," John teased back.

"Your right," Ben hesitated, seeing John's eyes fill with an uncertain hope and fear. As though he didn't believe it himself that Ben could love him back. It reminded Ben of the first night they kissed. The fear in John's face yet the desperate need in that steely blue eyes. It had been a life-altering moment for both of them and Ben had been the one to start it all. "I do love you…" he finally said honestly.

He heard John's sharp intake of breath, followed by the soft warmth of a kiss on his temple. The love between them was unshakable and true. Both felt it and knew it. And neither of them said it again that night as they fell into their dreams, wrapped in each other's arms.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for all the lovely &amp; sweet reviews of my story (so far)! In all honesty, I wrote this story for me &amp; only then decided to share it here. It's a different take on my normal slash fiction &amp; I felt more grounded in reality. I haven't decided if I want to continue with one more chapter or finish it here. Either way I'm happy with how it wrapped itself up ;) Thanks again! Watch Southland when it returns ot TNT in the spring! <strong>

**~luv kidneythieves **


	7. Ch 7: Boot

**Author's Note: Due to high demand for an epilogue- i decided to write one for the ppl who commented! Thanks for that btw! It's good to know that when you write fanfiction for characters that arent too popular, ppl will read it even if the demand for it is low. Oh- also its sorta a fluffy ending for the pair. But i wanted to give them a happy ending because their lives (jobs) are hard enough. So here yah go! ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: Boot<strong>

_**Epilogue**_

John relaxed into the side of his black mustang, letting the warmth of the metal body vibrate into his back. It had been a long day and even tougher week. He got stuck riding around town with Dewy and his obnoxious sober self. John still couldn't decide which was worse, drunk Dewy or sober Dewy. Ben had the day off and even if John got the opportunity to ride with him, he couldn't. Ben had graduated to his own car now and no longer required a training officer.

John sighed, letting the LA sun warm his skin. He missed riding with Ben. But he knew it was good for the kid. He needed his own car, responsibilities and the ability to carve his own path through law enforcement. And John couldn't hold him back and didn't want to. They would be getting a fresh batch of rookies here soon enough and John would be back as training officer.

He glanced around the near-empty parking lot and then over to the black and brown puppy randomly sniffing the grass a few feet away from him. He wondered if he made the right decision keeping this dog. He didn't even ask Ben yet. And seeing as how they were living together now, asking his partner if he was okay with dogs was a must.

Earlier that day John and Dewy entered a crackhouse and found it empty, except for week's old trash and a puppy amidst the piles of garbage. He scooped the dog out of its own shit and piss. It barely looked a month old and hungry, its mouth open wide for nourishment and its eyes barely open. John was afraid it was dead. But he felt the brief flutter of a heartbeat in the palm of his hands. John suspected it was a Rottweiler breed and if he knew anything about dogs, it was that Rottweiler's were tough sons-of-bitches.

"Shit, John. That thing might have rabies or some shit. Put that thing down!" Dewy spat out, eyeing the puppy with clear disgust.

John arched an eyebrow at Dewy, but said nothing.

"I'll call animal control," Dewy said moving a hand to his radio.

John stopped him with a stern voice, "No. I've got this."

"You can't be serious?"

John glared momentarily at him, suppressing the urge to throttle his narcissistic ass and leave him here among the garbage and shit for a couple days. "I'm calling in the rest of the day."

Dewy gave a dramatic gesture of defeat, "John!" he whined loudly to John's back as he exited the house, puppy in hand.

Now he stood against his car, watching it sniff at grass. He had fed and watered it. He even set an appointment with a vet to get it all checked out for infections and such for tomorrow. The only thing left was getting Ben's approval to keep it. He smiled to himself at the thought. But it was only fair. They were a couple now and had to make decisions together. Besides, John had been seeing a physical therapist at Ben's request and easing off his painkillers too. John did it for him, so the least he could do was consider the dog.

John's thoughts went back to the physical therapy he started a few months ago. It was a slow moving process but it was going well. He saw the therapist three times a week and worked on muscle building in his back. He had to admit, the first few weeks were brutal. Some days were difficult to just get out of bed without waking up in complete agony. Yet every session kept getting better and better. And Ben had been there every step of the way. God, John thought, Ben was so much stronger than him and in so many ways. His heart warmed at the thought, admiring his boyfriend, partner, lover… soul mate. He never thought he'd be so cheesy and actually believe that shit, but here he was, believing that Ben Sherman was his friggin soul mate.

He smiled, straightening against the car, his back strong and his stance sure. John could already tell a difference in his pain because it had become practically non-existent compared to what it had been. Ben even managed to get John to work out and do some jogging with him early in the morning before work. It was nice. He lost a few pounds and toned up considerably, which Ben relished in bed more times than he could count.

With Ben's love and support over the past few months, he had seen the miracle of his health restore itself. Ben too. After the stabbing, John made sure Ben stayed active and apart of life. He knew how some injured cops, especially newer ones, would get lost in their own pain and misery from an injury that they would lose hope on ever returning to law enforcement. He wouldn't allow that to happen to Ben. And it didn't. Ben was happily back on the job and in good spirits. They both were.

The puppy finally gave up sniffing and rolled onto the grass, lying down under the shade dreamily. John glanced down at his wristwatch. Ben should be done with basketball practice by now. Just then he noticed the entrance to the Boys and Girls Club open and young kids come streaming out, laughing and sweaty from expending their energies on a court instead of the street.

Followed by the stream of kids was their coach. John couldn't help but feel the smallest of smiles tug at his lips. Ben looked like a hot mess. His hair was ruffled, his forehead dripping sweat, and his grey v-neck t-shirt was drenched with it. And man, did he look good enough to eat, John thought lazily as he stared at his lover from the park under his sunglasses.

Ben waved at a few kids and tossed one the basketball, yelling something at him. The young kid laughed and smirked, taunting Ben with the basketball before relenting and returning the pass. Ben glared playfully back as the kids took off down the street. Ben then glanced across the street to the park, where he knew John would be waiting for him. A minute later, sweaty Ben was standing in front of him, in basketball shorts and holding the ball under his arm. He looked like such a kid sometimes, John thought.

"Hey hot-shot," John said in greeting.

Ben smiled and sauntered up to him, "Hey back."

"I thought the kids were suppose to work harder than their coach," John commented drily as Ben inched forward, smelling of sweat and pure male. John felt his body respond to it instantly.

"I ran a few drills with them," Ben replied, smirking up at him, standing close enough that John could steal a kiss…

"A few?" John retorted. Ben moved closer still and pivoted his face upwards before abruptly capturing his mouth. His lips were wet and soft. Their kiss was brief but intense. They shared their tender moments together now and then, but because both men were alphas and used to controlling dangerous situations, their kisses were usually rough and demanding. And whenever Ben finished coaching or working out, he got even more passionate. So energetic and so undeniably hot. That was mostly why John didn't mind picking him up after practice. "You stink," John said, pulling slightly back from that temptingly sweet mouth.

"I know," Ben pressed his sweaty, hard muscled body against his. John bit back his urge to hum his approval. He loved it when Ben got controlling, it excited him and at the moment, made him hard. Ben dropped the basketball and stopped the bouncing with his right foot, holding it down on the pavement. But he also did something else that made John curse and then let out an unearthly groan of arousal. He pressed his cock into his, letting him feel the ache between this thighs. "Fuck, Ben…" he grumbled, though made no move to stop him.

Ben pivoted his hips and rotated them forward, slowly dry-humping him against the car. John felt his whole body respond to the brat. Both men were now fully aroused and desperate. "Kinda reminds me of our first night," Ben said softly, nibbling bites along John's neck.

"Yeah, because fucking in the back of my ride sounds so appealing right now," John replied sarcastically.

Ben snorted a chuckle then pulled back to look at him, "What you don't want a replay?"

"Hell no," John said with a frown. "I kept banging my head on the roof and I seriously doubt your were all that comfortable."

"Yeah, well you did screw me pretty good that night." Ben pushed his hips harder into him, his erection sending a jolt of electricity up John's spine. Ben knew how to put the moves on him, but he still needed to work on his timing, John thought, realizing they were still standing in a public park parking lot.

John sighed, "can you wait five minutes?" They were only five minutes from John's house and the last thing he wanted was another hot sweaty romp in the back of his car.

Ben laughed and pulled away, picking up the basketball and bouncing it playfully. "I might have to job the length of the park and back before I get the car with you."

"Fine by me, take the dog while you're at it."

"Dog?"

Ben glanced around to where John gestured. He suddenly burst out in an astonished laugh and dropped the basketball to retrieve the sleepy eyed puppy. "Where'd you get him?"

"Crackhouse. Found him abandoned, sitting in his own shit for what must have been days. I thought he was dead."

"Yeah," Ben commented, studying the puppy closely. "He's lucky then," he stroked a hand behind his ear and the dog dreamily pushed his face into his palm. "He's cute too."

John felt his heart warm at the sight of Ben with the stupid puppy. God, he was really becoming a sap. But he couldn't help it. Love made people absolutely stupid.

"So we keeping him?" Ben asked him.

Surprised, John just stared. He didn't figure Ben would be the one to ask him. "You want to?"

"Yeah, why not?" he said with a shrug. "I like dogs."

"He's gonna get big," John said thoughtfully, walking towards them and holding the puppy's paw. "A beast…"

Ben smiled broadly at him, his dark brown eyes glittering with amusement. "You brought him to me John. So, what? You trying to talk me out of it now?"

"Hey- I'm just warning you."

Ben rolled his eyes dramatically, "whatever. You figure out a name yet?"

John finally smiled then, "Yeah- how 'bout Boot?"

Ben laughed, "I love it."

John's heart fluttered, as he wrapped his arm loosely around the two, feeling Ben's body press into his side. A calming peacefulness seemed to envelop him. And for the first time in John's life he felt true contentment. "Yeah, me too…" he whispered softly before turning Ben in his arms and kissing him lightly, the puppy being held between them.

**_The End... (seriously)_**

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><p><strong>Please comment &amp; review! shout out to: Softball_Angel, AL Cullen, Caramelcandylover! u guyz rock &amp; thanks for reading!<strong>

**~luv kidneythieves **


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